First Year/Decisions

It is almost cliche to say don't make any big decisions during the first year.  Sometimes this may not be possible.  You may have to take a job or may have to move for financial or other reasons.  If this is the case, do what you need to do.  

If a decision does not have to be made right away, then my suggestion would be to postpone making it until you feel capable of doing so with a clear thought process.  In many cases this make take a year or even longer.  At the time of this writing, I am only 9 months into this myself, so I cannot really answer that adequately right now.  It seemed by 9 months things would get better and easier... the same length of time to grow a baby, right?  There will be more on this in a later post.

I was recently faced with a rather large decision.  As always, I can only share my experience.. .and hope that others will also in the comments. I found myself changing my mind from the morning to the evening and doing the same thing the next day.  Fortunately, I do not have to make this decision today.  This drove home the point to me, of why people tell you to wait.  

One day at a time!
Penelope   

Payment at Funeral Homes/Cemetery

Along with all of the stress during this difficult time comes the added financial stress of paying for the services and burial or cremation.  If you are receiving life insurance proceeds, make sure to talk to the funeral home or cemetery about taking an "assignment" from the life insurance.  What this means is that the insurance will pay the funeral home first and then send you the remaining insurance amount.  The importance of this is that one does not have to come up with payment to the funeral home at this moment.  They, understandably, want to be paid for their services.  Funerals and burials become quite expensive very quickly.... not having to come up with that money is one less thing to be concerned about.  

Assignments are pretty much standard practice and should not be an issue.  In Florida, the funeral home I worked with used a third party to process the assignments.  There was an additional fee for using this company.  It was almost like a loan to cover the time between the actual service and the time the funeral home receives the money from the insurance company.  In my case this was an unusually long time (about 5 months.)  In larger cities and more urban areas this may become more of a standard practice, but in smaller communities, it does not seem to be happening as much.  

Since my insurance was coming from a well known company, I had the human resources person (through my husband's work) negotiate the additional fee for the service and did not end up having to pay it.  I do not know how successful this would be in general.  

One day at a time,

Penelope 

  

Death Certificates

At the time of this post, I have experience in Florida, Maryland, Washington, DC  and Pennsylvania.  My feeling is that this is consistent across the states, but I do not know that for sure.  Generally the funeral home helps with the death certificates.  You tell them how many you need and they get them for you initially.  If more copies are needed later on, one gets them through the Department of Health or Vital Statistics in your state.

The advice I was given, was good advice... get more than you think you will need.  Many institutions require the original certificate with a raised seal.  

I began including a self addressed stamped envelope with a note asking to return the certificate if they did not need to keep the original and got 2 back that way.  

Some of the places that will require a death certificate are listed below:

• Life insurance policy (or policies)
• Pension, IRA or other benefits
• Social Security
• Union or other benefits
• Accounts at banks or credit unions
• Stocks and bonds
• Titles and deeds to property
• Vehicle registration and title transfer
• Attorneys and CPA's
• Home mortgage
• Other insurance (home, auto)
• Credit cards and other accounts 
• Keep an original certified copy for your own records (and children may also need them at some point.)

This list is not meant to be all inclusive.  Please feel free to list additional suggestions in the comments below. 

Over time I would like to list in the comments section all 50 states and feel free to list information for other countries as well.   Please enter the STATE NAME in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS first, to make it easy to find.  Follow this with any information and links, especially to the state departments of health or vital statistics.

One day at a time,
Penelope

Share a Tip or Suggestion

This is a place to share a tip or suggestion that has worked for you that is not listed on the blog.... click the comments link below.

One day at a time,

Penelope

Ask a Question

If there is something you would like to see addressed but cannot otherwise find it on this blog, please enter your question in the comments section below.

One day at a time,
Penelope

About Me

My name is Penelope.  Welcome to my new blog.  My husband, Julio, passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly in January of 2012.  My world, and that of our two boys, was abruptly turned upside down without warning.  We are still on a journey of healing, but in the last several months I've met a  number of widows.  I wanted to provide a space for widows to share with each other, the things that have helped them on their own journey as well as a place to ask questions that remain unresolved in their lives.  

I am not a lawyer, a financial planner, a doctor or a psychologist, so please consult with the authorities where necessary.  I am simply a mother, was a wife, and now a widow who has been through (and is going through) this.  My intention is to attempt to take what has been a negative in my life and try to make something positive come from it.  My hope is that you will never need my site, but if you do and if the site can make the journey easier, better, simpler.....  then it will have served its purpose.  My goal is to address different aspects of widow-widower hood.  Not simply the grief aspect, but also the every day logistics of adapting to life as a single person.  This is the "virtual" version of the women in Liberia who are there to comfort each other as I mention at the top of the page.  

This site is for both men and women.  It is also for those who are supportive of someone going through a death.  There may be things that apply to loss in general as well.  

I live in the United States, so much of what I say will be of my experience - for example - going to Social Security Administration.  Living in this virtual global "village" as we do today, I welcome comments and suggestions from around the world. 

Please leave comments, suggestions or questions in the "comments" section of any post.  I will do my best to attend to them .... and place the question to the community also.  

One day at a time,
Penelope