Getting Through the Holidays

This is from Maureen Hunter.  She has the web site Esdeer.com.  I find it to be a wonderful, down to earth grief resource, written by someone who has been through it.

One day at a time,
Penelope
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We're just about to hit December and I know for the last few years I just wanted to close my eyes and wake up in January.

For myself (Maureen) early December is the anniversary date of my son's death, something that to date has always tinged my Christmas with a forever sadness. It comes beside all the festivities in the shops and the bombardment of adverts on the TV and in the letter box. It has taken me a long time to look forward to a time of year that changed our lives forever so suddenly, but it's happened. Last year I noticed a shift and this year much more so.

So for our 6th Christmas this year there will be a proper tree once more. There will be more decorations, there will be joyful anticipation and happy moments. Of course they will sit themselves, as they always do at such times, around the missing and sadness of the physical absence of someone who has our heart always. And amidst all of that we will do what we always do, find ways to honour and remember our beloved Stuart on the day.

 

It has taken me much to get to this place and it has not been easy.

 

Today I'd like to share a series of short videos I recorded last year about the holidays and what we can do to get through such a difficult time. If you haven't seen them already I hope they help you in some small way.

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I am posting the videos below along with the links in case you are unable to view them here.

 

Video 1: Knowing what to Expect

Link: http://esdeer.com/video-1-getting-through-the-holidays/

 

 

Video 2:  Getting back to Basics

Link:  http://esdeer.com/video-2-getting-through-the-holidays/ 

 

Video 3: What are Your Non-Negotiables this Year?

Link: http://esdeer.com/video-3-getting-through-the-holidays/

 

Video 4: New Traditions

Link: http://esdeer.com/video-4-getting-through-the-holidays/

 

  

 

Video 5: Remembering with Love

Link: http://esdeer.com/video-5-getting-through-the-holidays/

First Year/General

I just finished the post on making decisions during the first year.  There are so many things  that happen for the first time during that year.  I am not completely through it, myself, still having the holiday season approaching.  

I expected certain days to be challenging - my birthday, the children's birthday, Father's Day.  All of the major holidays of course, our anniversary, his birthday.  Any other dates that have special meaning in your lives... maybe the day of your first date for example.  There will be more on these specifically in a later post.

The things I did not expect, were to feel sad at the change of seasons - the first cherry blossoms on our tree out front, the last day of school, the leaves changing in the fall and  the first snow fall.  My husband was a big football fan, especially the Gators.  One of the last things he did was watch a Gator game.  They won that game!  I have not been able to watch or follow football this year.  Each of these, mark the passage of time.  Each  remind you that your spouse is not there to see it.  

I want the tone of this blog to remain positive and helpful, but I feel it must also be honest.  My intention in sharing this is to have you be prepared if this happens in your life.   It may not.  

Someone, a few months ahead of where I am, recently shared her experience.  I hope that she will post it in the comments section as she shared it so eloquently.  Paraphrasing what she said.... When one has a loss in their lives, there is a hole in your life where your loved one used to be.  Over time, once in a while, gratitude and joy start to fill that space where the pain resides.  It comes from the fact that this person was a part of your life.  I can see this with my husband.  We accomplished a lot together, we have 2 beautiful children and although we had our ups and downs like any relationship, we had a good life together. For all of this I am grateful.

One day at a time!
Penelope