One Year

As the one year "anniversary" approached, the lead up to the day can be as bad, if not worse than the actual day. There are many things  one can do to remember your loved one on the anniversary. I am again going to suggest the web site esdeer.com for further reference on additional ceremonies and remembrances. 

What I am sharing in this post, a dear friend sent via email about a week before. I am sharing it here as I found it brought me some measure of Peace. My sons gave me a candle for my birthday, so I used that one.  I did not keep the candle burning over night or when I was away from home for safety reasons.  

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In the Jewish religion, a remembrance of the deceased is held on the Yahrzeit, which is the day prior to the anniversary of death. A candle is lit at sundown and left to burn for 24 hours. The loved one is honored & remembered in this way. After one year of mourning, the bereaved are supposed to return to a "normal" life. However, the Yahrzeit candle is lit each year.

The "day before" can actually be worse than the actual day for holidays spent without a loved one. The same is true of the anniversary of death. By beginning the remembrance on the day prior to the anniversary of death, we allow ourselves to grieve instead of waiting in dread of the actual day.

I hope this may also bring you some level of Peace, as you pass your first "Yahrzeit."

One day at a time....

Penelope

Getting Through the Holidays

This is from Maureen Hunter.  She has the web site Esdeer.com.  I find it to be a wonderful, down to earth grief resource, written by someone who has been through it.

One day at a time,
Penelope
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We're just about to hit December and I know for the last few years I just wanted to close my eyes and wake up in January.

For myself (Maureen) early December is the anniversary date of my son's death, something that to date has always tinged my Christmas with a forever sadness. It comes beside all the festivities in the shops and the bombardment of adverts on the TV and in the letter box. It has taken me a long time to look forward to a time of year that changed our lives forever so suddenly, but it's happened. Last year I noticed a shift and this year much more so.

So for our 6th Christmas this year there will be a proper tree once more. There will be more decorations, there will be joyful anticipation and happy moments. Of course they will sit themselves, as they always do at such times, around the missing and sadness of the physical absence of someone who has our heart always. And amidst all of that we will do what we always do, find ways to honour and remember our beloved Stuart on the day.

 

It has taken me much to get to this place and it has not been easy.

 

Today I'd like to share a series of short videos I recorded last year about the holidays and what we can do to get through such a difficult time. If you haven't seen them already I hope they help you in some small way.

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I am posting the videos below along with the links in case you are unable to view them here.

 

Video 1: Knowing what to Expect

Link: http://esdeer.com/video-1-getting-through-the-holidays/

 

 

Video 2:  Getting back to Basics

Link:  http://esdeer.com/video-2-getting-through-the-holidays/ 

 

Video 3: What are Your Non-Negotiables this Year?

Link: http://esdeer.com/video-3-getting-through-the-holidays/

 

Video 4: New Traditions

Link: http://esdeer.com/video-4-getting-through-the-holidays/

 

  

 

Video 5: Remembering with Love

Link: http://esdeer.com/video-5-getting-through-the-holidays/

Be Gentle on Yourself

This is a quote from the site Esdeer.com:

Sometimes we want to rush through our grief, get it out the way and over so we can get back to our real selves again. It's how we often have coped with life, being in control and in charge. Getting things done. It can take some reshuffling in our heads and hearts to realise there is no a-z formula for grieving and no going back to who we were. Everything is different now. So be very gentle on you as you come gradually to this knowing ♥

- Esdeer.com

One day at a time,
Penelope